Friday, June 28, 2013

Just A Dream

I stared off at the mountains, absentmindedly running a brush over my horse’s back. One year.  Almost fourteen months since he died. How can it have been that long? A familiar ache settled on my heart. It was always there, but in quiet moments like these, it pressed more painfully. How have I survived?
  My horse nosed me gently, bringing me back to present. I smiled weakly and stroked his neck. “I’m sorry, baby. You want some hay… don’t you?”
My words slowed as I became aware of a presence behind me. It was warm, familiar, and yet I almost didn’t recognize it. Slowly, I turned around.
Time seemed to stand still. Surprise, disbelief, and inexpressible joy washed over me in a tidal wave of emotion. I began to tremble. I remained there, stupefied, eyes focused on the figure that approached me. My heart was pounding in my chest and my mouth had gone dry.
No… this… this can’t be real. But even as I argued with myself, his face broke into a wide smile.
A sort of strangled laugh escaped me as I ran toward his open arms. I threw my arms around his neck as he drew me into his embrace. He was so warm, so real.
So alive.
“Oh Josh!” I cried. “You came back! We all thought that you were dead. We had a funeral, and hundreds of people came. You should see all the things that people have said about you. Oh Josh, you’re here! I missed you so much. Everyone has missed you. What took you so long to come home? I love you, Joshy!”
The words tumbled out of me in a rush, mingled with sobs. He said nothing, only held me close. I pulled back slightly so I could look into his face.
Oh, how I’d missed those eyes.
“You’re home, Joshy.” I whispered, a smile spreading across my face. “You’re home.”


I didn’t want to open my eyes. I knew what awaited me, but I wasn’t ready to go there. Not again. But I knew I had to.
Wiping away the tears that wetted my cheeks, I opened my eyes. The clock read five fifty AM. I sighed and rolled over. For one, brief moment, I had been in ecstasy.
But it was just a dream.


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Open Your Eyes

Dark, blinding fear. It was all she knew.
Her heart raced as she tore across the barren field, the wind whipping her hair back. Running… always running. She couldn’t stop for a moment. She had to get away, had to escape. It was pursuing her. Her only hope was to outrun the Presence that followed so closely behind.
Darkness loomed ahead of her, beckoning her into its black recesses. It was so close, and yet so far. She longed to be again enveloped in the dark’s cold embrace.
Her lungs were begging for air. Her calves burned, and her head throbbed. She couldn’t keep running. Perhaps she could rest for just a moment…
But no! The moment her steps began to falter, she felt it again; the warmth of the Light on her back.
Get away from me! Her heart cried as she again broke into a run. Terror of the unknown pressed itself on her as she blindly ran toward her refuge. The Light began to steal over her. She let out a cry, covering her eyes.
“Leave me be!” She said, falling to the ground. She curled into a pathetic ball, still trying to block out the Light. “I don’t want You near me!”
The Light hurt her eyes. The warmth of it made her skin burn. She was so accustomed to the chill of darkness.
“My child, you are afraid. Let Me calm your fears.”
Her breath caught. The Voice was deep, warm… gentle. Unlike any other voice she’d ever heard. Something about it made her heart yearn to trust Him.
“No!” She cried, her hands still covering her face. It took everything within her to resist His words. “You are the reason I am afraid.”
“What have I done to you to make you fearful, dear one?” The Voice asked.
Dear one. Not ‘idiot’, or ‘worthless’, or ‘ugly’. Dear one. Never had such an endearing name been attributed to her.
Remember what He did to you. A voice whispered in her heart. It’s all a joke; He doesn’t really love you. Who could possibly love a worthless piece of trash like yourself?
        Despite the many times she’d heard them, the words stung. She took a shaky breath before saying, “You… You are the reason I am what I am.”
“And what are you?”
His voice was so gentle and caring, it brought tears to her eyes. “I am unwanted; abandoned by those who should have loved me most. I am mistreated; other use me to bring them pleasure. I am lost; forsaken by those who promised to guide me.” Her voice gave way as she succumbed to her grief. “I am ugly, worthless, broken, hopeless, and most of all, unloved. Life means absolutely nothing. Nothing! Where have You been, Light?” She demanded, her voice shaking with tears and anger. “You who calls me “dear one”. You who claim to be the bearer of peace, love, and light. You ask me why I fear You. The answer is because You are the one who has done this to me. You caused me to be born, and then left me to rot. Why?! Why have You let me live in such agony? All I can see is utter darkness and despair. This world is dying, Light, and You have done nothing to prevent it. That is why I fear and despise You.”
Her words hung thick in the air. She was trembling, grief and rage contorting her features. Several long seconds went by, the silence only broken by her quiet sobs. If only she had opened her eyes, she would have seen that the darkness was slowly receding.
“My child,” His voice was warm, soothing. It stole over her skin and crept into her heart, melting her like ice. “My dear, beloved child, I have always been there for you. I sat beside you in your darkest hour. You had only to open your eyes to see Me. But you closed your eyes and blamed Me for your hurt, and you resented Me for it.
“There is always pain in life, Daughter. If your life was perfect, you would have no need to trust Me. But you do need to trust Me, for I am the one who can bring you life. I am the one who can heal your wounds. I am the one who can satisfy your every desire. I am the one who loves you. I died to bring you life.”
His words pushed away the doubt that had clouded her mind, and suddenly she understood. “Oh Light… I was so wrong.”
“Come unto Me, My child. Reflect My light in this world of darkness.”
“But how?”
“Believe in Me. Demonstrate your love by obeying My commandments.”
“Oh Lord… I do believe.”
“If you believe, then you shall be saved.”
Everything suddenly fell away. The oppressive weight of her guilt was lifted. The hurt she’d been carrying for so many years was gone. The knot of tears in her chest loosened, and she was finally able to breathe freely. Never had the air tasted so sweet. A gentle breeze wisped around her, bearing the scent of flowers.
“Open your eyes, My love. I have set you free.”
Slowly, she opened her eyes.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if  we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.
~1 John 1:5-7


Thursday, June 13, 2013

Time Doesn't Heal Wounds

       The pain never really goes away. Some days it may not be as sharp and stinging as others, but it’s always there, eating away at the back of your mind. You’re always aware of a dull ache, a whispering longing. The hours can be full of fun and laughter, but at the end of the day a solemnity settles on you and you remember. As long as there are memories, there will be pain.
I miss Josh. A lot. I miss his smile; the way his shoulders would shake when he silently laughed. I miss his crazy schemes and love of life. I miss seeing him prowl around with his camera in hand, striving to capture the wild beauty of nature. I miss all those late nights we shared, discussing life and its struggles.
I just miss him.
But God is faithful. This is one of the biggest things I have learned over the past thirteen months. God. Is. Faithful. He will never leave me or forsake me. Despite how overwhelming the darkness may feel, no matter how much pain I am in, He is faithful. He is walking me through the Valley. It is long and dark, laced with tears, but He is by my side. What have I to fear?
I need to remember all that has happened since Joshua’s death. I need to remember all the lives that have been changed. I need to remember that he did not die in vain. God has a purpose for everything. Oh Jesus, help me to believe.
Time doesn’t heal wounds. It teaches you to live with the pain. God, the ultimate Healer, will heal us completely one day. But until then, we live by grace.
And so I will continue to say Praise God.
For He is worthy of praise.


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Be Like Christ

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, 
if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 
make my joy complete by being of the same mind, 
maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind 
regard one another as more important than yourselves; 
do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, 
although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 
but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, 
and being made in the likeness of men. 
Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by 
becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 
For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name 
which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, 
of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 
and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 
~Philippians 2:1-11


Thursday, June 6, 2013


Time drifts by. One day slips into another… Moments turn into memories. Tomorrow becomes today, and today becomes yesterday. Flowers blossom, leaves change color, snow falls from the sky. Before we know what’s happening, a year has passed, and we stand where we stood before; a little older, a little wiser. The same, yet different.
Time is life. Time enables us to live, grow, and learn. God, the Giver of Life, is also the Giver of Time. He has given each of us a set amount of time to live our life, and there is nothing that we can do to prolong that time. Since his days are determined the number of his months is with You; and his limits You have set so that he cannot pass (Job 14:5).
This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I don’t know how much time I have. I could live until I’m eighty three, or I could die tomorrow. I don’t know. But the fact that we have a limited time on this earth should provoke us to use that time wisely.

         So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. 
~Psalm 90:12

         Give me wisdom, Lord. Help me to not take my time on this earth for granted. Teach me to number my days, and give me the strength to live as You did. Help us all to live in a manner worthy of You.


Saturday, June 1, 2013

Coming This October

        Happy June, everyone!! Spring has fully arrived - blue skies, warm sun, green grass, cool breeze... The weather is perfect. :)
        In case you're wondering, no, I'm not here to tell you about the weather (although it is lovely). The more exciting news is that this October, there will be another Eddy son. Yep, it's a boy!! :D :D Haven Evangelist.
        Praise God for His goodness!