Friday, November 22, 2013

If I Die Young

If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay be down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song. 
The sharp knife of a short life. Oh well, I’ve had just enough time. 
       Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother. She’ll know I’m safe with You when she stands under my colors. Oh, and life ain’t always how we think it oughta be, no. Ain’t even gray, but she buries her baby.
The sharp knife of a short life. Oh well, I’ve had just enough time.

Josh used to sing this song. I never really paid attention to it then, but it means so much to me now. I can't help but think that when he would sing this song, Josh had no idea that he would die young. Or that his young death would take place in a river.
The sharp knife of a short life. 
Death is like a knife – a sharp, biting knife that pierces your heart and doesn’t go away. Thank God for His gift of grace, or the pain would have killed me long ago.
I miss Josh. Those words seem so simple, but I haven’t yet found any that adequately describe how I feel. I miss his voice, his face, the smell of his Old Spice deodorant. I miss having him confide in me about girls. I miss giving him fashion advice, and asking him to return the favor. I miss listening to him talk about his faith.
But the one thing that carries me through is God and His sustaining grace. Because I know that one day, I will see my brother again.
And it will be wonderful beyond imagination.


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Act The Miracle

One thing that I have learned over the past couple of years is that being a Christian is hard. Not only because of the varying levels of persecution that Christians experience across the world, but simply because we are human. And as such, we’re sinful.
There’s no escaping it. Each and every one of us is born with a sin nature. One that we cannot conquer until Christ returns.
So. What do we do in the meantime?
We study God’s word. We seek His will. We pray. We endeavor to shine the light of Christ is this dark world.
And a lot of the time we fail.
Failure is something that is hard for us to swallow. It is a mark of inadequacy, a sign of weakness. To fail is to not be good enough – which, when it comes to God and His word, we aren’t.
I have failed in a lot of things lately. I’ve failed to fulfill my list of resolutions, failed to be kinder to my siblings, failed to be patient, failed to encourage, failed to spend more time in the Word, failed to keep my mind pure, failed to keep my body in shape... The feeling of failure has been overwhelming. And discouraging.
It is frustrating to realize (again) how incompetent I am. Utterly weak and dependent. It’s also humbling to realize how much God loves me. Not because I am weak and dependent, but simply because of who I am.
I still grapple with the incomprehensibility of this.
How can He... love me?
Life has been difficult lately. For the past few months, I have been sliding downhill. Some nights, I fight to climb higher; others, I let myself fall deeper. I lack the strength to fight to voices in my mind, so I succumb to them. I let myself believe that my life is pointless. That I’m a failure. I am trapped inside myself, wallowing in the dark misery that overwhelms my mind.
All the while, He is waiting just outside.
There are no excuses. God offers us the strength we need. It is a long, hard fight – one that must consume every part of who we are. But when the dust settles and the blood dries, we will be the victor. And our reward is everlasting.
        Yes, I am a failure. But He is a Lover. And love, portrayed in crimson blood, covers a multitude of sins.
If we would just open our eyes and stop thinking about “me” long enough to see God’s outstretched hand, we would find our strength renewed. As I said in the beginning, we will not conquer our sin nature until we enter the gates of heaven. But with God’s strength, we can certainly fight it.

      "When it comes to killing my sin, I don't wait for the miracle.
                                                                                                       I act the miracle."  -John Piper


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

1 + 1 = 2? Debatable.

          Sometimes, it equals three.

          I'm an Aunt!!
          New baby brother, little niece or nephew on the way... Does it get better than this? :)


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Miracle of Life

          I witnessed a miracle this morning. What other word can even begin to describe the birth of a child?
         At 3:16 this morning, Haven Evangelist Eddy was born. My mom had been planning on having a home birth, but since Haven was eighteen days late, we decided to have him induced at the hospital. They broke her water, and he was born less than four hours later with no complications.
        As far as statistics go, he's 9.11 pounds and 22 1/2 inches. He has quite a bit of dark hair, as you can see in the pictures, and definitely looks like an Eddy. :)

      I am overwhelmed with joy and love for this little one. What a perfect, beautiful miracle. 
      God is good. :)