Dark, blinding fear. It was all she knew.
Her heart raced as she tore across the barren field, the wind whipping her hair back. Running… always running. She couldn’t stop for a moment. She had to get away, had to escape. It was pursuing her. Her only hope was to outrun the Presence that followed so closely behind.
Darkness loomed ahead of her, beckoning her into its black recesses. It was so close, and yet so far. She longed to be again enveloped in the dark’s cold embrace.
Her lungs were begging for air. Her calves burned, and her head throbbed. She couldn’t keep running. Perhaps she could rest for just a moment…
But no! The moment her steps began to falter, she felt it again; the warmth of the Light on her back.
Get away from me! Her heart cried as she again broke into a run. Terror of the unknown pressed itself on her as she blindly ran toward her refuge. The Light began to steal over her. She let out a cry, covering her eyes.
“Leave me be!” She said, falling to the ground. She curled into a pathetic ball, still trying to block out the Light. “I don’t want You near me!”
The Light hurt her eyes. The warmth of it made her skin burn. She was so accustomed to the chill of darkness.
“My child, you are afraid. Let Me calm your fears.”
Her breath caught. The Voice was deep, warm… gentle. Unlike any other voice she’d ever heard. Something about it made her heart yearn to trust Him.
“No!” She cried, her hands still covering her face. It took everything within her to resist His words. “You are the reason I am afraid.”
“What have I done to you to make you fearful, dear one?” The Voice asked.
Dear one. Not ‘idiot’, or ‘worthless’, or ‘ugly’. Dear one. Never had such an endearing name been attributed to her.
Remember what He did to you. A voice whispered in her heart. It’s all a joke; He doesn’t really love you. Who could possibly love a worthless piece of trash like yourself?
Despite the many times she’d heard them, the words stung. She took a shaky breath before saying, “You… You are the reason I am what I am.”
“And what are you?”
His voice was so gentle and caring, it brought tears to her eyes. “I am unwanted; abandoned by those who should have loved me most. I am mistreated; other use me to bring them pleasure. I am lost; forsaken by those who promised to guide me.” Her voice gave way as she succumbed to her grief. “I am ugly, worthless, broken, hopeless, and most of all, unloved. Life means absolutely nothing. Nothing! Where have You been, Light?” She demanded, her voice shaking with tears and anger. “You who calls me “dear one”. You who claim to be the bearer of peace, love, and light. You ask me why I fear You. The answer is because You are the one who has done this to me. You caused me to be born, and then left me to rot. Why?! Why have You let me live in such agony? All I can see is utter darkness and despair. This world is dying, Light, and You have done nothing to prevent it. That is why I fear and despise You.”
Her words hung thick in the air. She was trembling, grief and rage contorting her features. Several long seconds went by, the silence only broken by her quiet sobs. If only she had opened her eyes, she would have seen that the darkness was slowly receding.
“My child,” His voice was warm, soothing. It stole over her skin and crept into her heart, melting her like ice. “My dear, beloved child, I have always been there for you. I sat beside you in your darkest hour. You had only to open your eyes to see Me. But you closed your eyes and blamed Me for your hurt, and you resented Me for it.
“There is always pain in life, Daughter. If your life was perfect, you would have no need to trust Me. But you do need to trust Me, for I am the one who can bring you life. I am the one who can heal your wounds. I am the one who can satisfy your every desire. I am the one who loves you. I died to bring you life.”
His words pushed away the doubt that had clouded her mind, and suddenly she understood. “Oh Light… I was so wrong.”
“Come unto Me, My child. Reflect My light in this world of darkness.”
“Believe in Me. Demonstrate your love by obeying My commandments.”
“Oh Lord… I do believe.”
“If you believe, then you shall be saved.”
Everything suddenly fell away. The oppressive weight of her guilt was lifted. The hurt she’d been carrying for so many years was gone. The knot of tears in her chest loosened, and she was finally able to breathe freely. Never had the air tasted so sweet. A gentle breeze wisped around her, bearing the scent of flowers.
“Open your eyes, My love. I have set you free.”
Slowly, she opened her eyes.
This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.
~1 John 1:5-7