Two Years

        It has been two years since I was forced to say the most painful goodbye of my life. Two years since I sat in this exact spot, begging God to turn back the clock. Two years since my brother Joshua completed his earthly mission and was taken home to be with his Creator. 
I’m raw emotion at this point, with no semblance of eloquence in words or poise of pen. Just a broken little girl, remembering her big brother.
I miss him so much. The hurt is so deep that some days, it's hard to even breathe. I didn't know that you could hurt this bad and still find the strength to live.
        But I have. I have found the strength to live - in Jesus. It has been a difficult journey. Incredibly long, dark, and painful, and yet immensely beautiful. Looking back over the past two years, I can truly say that the only reason I am alive is because of Him. He has given me strength to press on when I've reached the end of myself, peace to make it through the darkest night, and the deepest, purest love that makes life worth living.
        The hurt is never going to go away. One thing I've learned is that time doesn't heal wounds; it only teaches you to live with the pain. There will be pain in life until we are made perfect in Christ. 
        But that's okay, because no pain would mean no memories, and the last thing I want to do is forget him.
        

        "To surrender a precious dream is a fearful thing. But to pursue anything but the full measure of the glory of God's love is a wasted life." 

~Joshua Eddy (1993 ~ 2012)

~Riah

On My Mind

Your favorite color was purple. Mine was orange.
You liked cats. I liked dogs.
You had big sisters. I had big brothers.
You wanted to be an actress. I wanted to be a writer.
        You were fearless. I was timid.
And we were the best of friends.

You taught me how to ride a bike.
I taught you how to swim.
You promised I would be in your wedding.
I promised you’d be in mine.
You vowed to be my best friend forever and always.
I echoed your words.
And I think that was the only promise we ever broke with each other.

        You grew up too fast, while I remained a child.
You were fun and popular, while I was shy and awkward.
You sheltered me from your darkness, leaving me to walk in ignorant light.
        You remained up north, while I moved down south.
        And with that move, everything shifted.

Sure, we’re still friends, but it’s different now. The distance has taken a toll, separating our worlds. We grew up side by side for so long, then suddenly you were 17 and I 16, living such different lives on what seemed like other sides of the world. I can't help but wonder when things changed.
Nothing will ever take away our childhood together. Those years we spent together, laughing and crying, going on adventures and making memories – those are the things that made us who we are. It is because of those things that, despite the fact that we don’t talk much anymore, you are still one of my close friends. No one else knows me in the way that you do. We will always have that special connection.
I don’t know where you are right now. What friends you have, what struggles you’re fighting, what wars you’ve lost, what battles you’ve won. What makes you happy, what makes you cry, what your fears, hopes, and dreams are. But I think of you often, and I want you to know how much I love you.


Just know that you’re on my mind.

~Riah

The Treasure of Jesus

What can I do

How can I live

To show my world

The treasure of Jesus

What will it take

What could I give

So they can know

The treasure He is

And if I can sing 

Let my songs be full of His glory

If I can speak

Let my words be full of His grace

And if I should live or die

Let me be found pursuing this prize

The One that alone satisfies

The treasure of Jesus

~The Treasure of Jesus {Steven Curtis Chapman}~

~Riah

The Truth Will Make You Free

        We've all heard this verse before.

Notice that it starts with ‘and’? That means that it is the continuation of a sentence. And you will know the truth. There must be something we say or do that enables us to know the truth. Let’s go back a verse and look at this in context.

        So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” ~John 8:31-32

Where does freedom come from? Knowing truth. Where does truth come from? God’s word.
You see where this is going? Reading and believing and acting upon His word – His truth – brings us freedom. Freedom from sin, freedom from fear, freedom from death.
        The word freedom implies that we are enslaved; there has to be something for us to be set free from. That thing would be sin.
We are human. Our bodies are made of flesh, and our hearts are born with a desire for the things of the flesh. God’s standards are totally against the grain of our hearts, which is why He must give us the desire. If you long for what is good and right in His eyes then thank God, because He is the one who put that hunger in you. Nothing else possibly could.
But despite the fact that we long for God and long for what is good, we’re still human. Sin is still an inherent part of our nature. We cannot and will not be perfect on this side of eternity. This doesn’t mean that we should just sit back and not even try. The Christian life is a battle, fighting against the hold of sin on our hearts. We must constantly fight against it, or we will succumb.
So... how do we fight?
John 8:31-32 says it all. Continue in the word; know the truth and be set free by it. When we constantly immerse ourselves in God’s glorious truth, sin loses its shine because the glory of God shines so much brighter.
We will enslave ourselves to sin many more times in days and weeks to come. Failure is a part of life. But by continuing in the Word, we will also continue to be set free by the grace of God.
       What a beautiful thing.

        "You have to kill pleasure with pleasure. 'No' will not work in the long run. Enjoy Jesus more than sin." ~John Piper

~Riah

Don't Give Up

It seems like every day I’m finding new things in my life that need changing. I realize another sin that I struggle with, another habit that needs breaking, another habit that needs forming. My faults and countless, my sins innumerable. I’m beginning to see how thoroughly human I am.
        It’s overwhelming, really. I am overwhelmed by the amount of sin in my life and my inability to fix it. Christ has freed me from the bondage of sin and given me the strength to fight against temptation, but that does not remove my humanity, which, by nature, is sinful. No matter how hard I try I will fail, more often than not, because I am not perfect. And I won’t be until I am welcomed into heaven.
It’s frustrating because I want to be perfect. I want to love wholly and truly, I want to be pure. I want to honor God in all that I do. But while I am alive here on earth, that is impossible.
My guess would be, if you’re a follower of Christ, you can relate. More so than the rest of the world, we feel the sharp sting of failure, because we know who we are failing.
And it hurts.
Some days you have to wonder, where is the point in it all? Why fight today what you’ll probably give in to tomorrow? There are times you feel tired; tired of fighting, tired of bolstering your defenses, tired trying and failing. It would be so much easier just to lay down and give up the fight, even just for a moment of relief.
Weary traveler, please listen to me when I say –
Don’t.
Give.
         UP.
You are sinful, broken, imperfect, impure, and unholy. But you are loved by a righteous, perfect, holy, just, beautiful, and loving God, who humbled Himself and came to earth as a man so that He could die to free you from your addiction to sin.
You are still human; you will still fail. The addiction to sin was strong, and it still comes back to haunt you, tempt you. Don’t give in. Don’t think of yourself as the weak, helpless person you used to be. You have the strength of God in you. Don’t give up. Whatever relief or pleasure sin seems to offer is fleeting, gone in an instant. But the peace and joy that God offers never run out.
Don’t give up. Please. Whoever, wherever you are, you were created in the image of God. You are broken, but beautiful. Don’t become fixated on the moment. Think to the future – of the reward that awaits you in heaven. Of spending an eternity with those you love, worshipping your Savior.
Life is hard, and it will only get more difficult as time goes on. But it is not this life for which we live.
Life is hard. But eternity is bliss.

        “I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I wish to be. I am not what I hope to be. Yet, though I am not what I ought to be, nor what I wish to be, nor what I hope to be, I can truly say, I am not what I once was; a slave to sin and Satan; and I can heartily join with the apostle, and acknowledge, "By the grace of God I am what I am."

-John Newton

~Riah

Love

       One of the {many} things I’ve realized this past week is the lack of love in my life. I am such an incredibly selfish person. Everything comes down to me; what I want, what I feel, what I need. Even with people I truly love, I think more about my own comfort rather than theirs. And it is so frustrating, because I love this person, and yet all I can think about is myself. I am so human.
        I don’t want to be human; I want to be godly.
  In one of Francis Chan’s books (I’m embarrassed to say I can’t remember whether it was Crazy Love or Forgotten God. Probably the former), he shares an exercise that I found extremely convicting. He took the passage about love from 1 Corinthians 13 and swapped the word ‘love’ with his name.
I’ve inserted my own name and gender in the passage below, but go ahead and put in your own name as you read. You tell me if you don’t feel even slightly convicted.

        Mariah is patient and kind; Mariah does not envy or boast; she is not arrogant or rude. She does not insist on her own way; she is not irritable or resentful; she does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Mariah bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I don’t know about you, but I know for me that paragraph is a complete lie. I am not patient; I am not always kind. I envy, I want my own way, I’m irritable. I am the complete opposite of those verses.
But that is how we are called to be. We are called to personify the love of Christ. Not the I’ll-love-you-as-long-as-you-benefit-me love of the world, but the selfless, whole-hearted love that Jesus showed in giving up His life for us – condemned sinners, who dared to spit in the face of God.
Everything comes down to how we love. How we live, how we treat others... I pray that God would fill me with His love, thus enabling me to pour it out on others. And I pray the same for you.

“Love is patient and kind; 

love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 

~1 Cor. 13:4-7 (ESV)

~Riah