It has been two years since I was forced to say the most painful goodbye of my life. Two years since I sat in this exact spot, begging God to turn back the clock. Two years since my brother Joshua completed his earthly mission and was taken home to be with his Creator.
I’m raw emotion at this point, with no semblance of eloquence in words or poise of pen. Just a broken little girl, remembering her big brother.
I miss him so much. The hurt is so deep that some days, it's hard to even breathe. I didn't know that you could hurt this bad and still find the strength to live.
But I have. I have found the strength to live - in Jesus. It has been a difficult journey. Incredibly long, dark, and painful, and yet immensely beautiful. Looking back over the past two years, I can truly say that the only reason I am alive is because of Him. He has given me strength to press on when I've reached the end of myself, peace to make it through the darkest night, and the deepest, purest love that makes life worth living.
The hurt is never going to go away. One thing I've learned is that time doesn't heal wounds; it only teaches you to live with the pain. There will be pain in life until we are made perfect in Christ.
But that's okay, because no pain would mean no memories, and the last thing I want to do is forget him.
"To surrender a precious dream is a fearful thing. But to pursue anything but the full measure of the glory of God's love is a wasted life."
~Joshua Eddy (1993 ~ 2012)