Three months ago, I never would have thought that I would be sitting beside my brother’s grave writing this. I remember vividly the day we buried him – the way the sun glinted off his metallic coffin. The tight feeling in my chest. The dull thud of that first shovelful of dirt.As I sit, gazing at the mound of dirt trimmed with stones, I feel a familiar ache. Yet another reality I have to face. Josh is gone, and I will never see him again. Burning tears fill my eyes.
It’s not that I haven’t accepted the fact that he’s gone; I have. It’s just when I really think about it…the fact that I will never see him again on this earth…that’s when the pain hits hard.
But God’s grace has sustained me. I have been through some very dark times since May 5th, but God has always been faithful to pull me out. If it wasn’t for Him, I would have despaired long ago.
I would have despaired unless I
The goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.
Wow. That verse is so true to me. It is only the hope I have in Christ - the knowledge that I will see Josh again - that has kept me strong. With that hope, I will continue to run the race that God has set before me, content in the knowledge that Josh finished his.
I love you so much, Joshy. It hurts. You were a wonderful big brother to me, and my life will never be the same without you. But I know that I will see you again.