I was tired. Tired of trying and failing. Of making resolutions and watching them slip between my fingers like sand. Of feeling too much of what I didn't want to feel, and feeling too little of what I did want to feel. I was so tired of being stuck where I was and seemingly powerless to change it.
I was tired, and for just a little while, I didn't want to think, didn't want to try, didn't want to be. I just wanted to sleep for a long, long time and fix all my problems in the morning when my brain could string together a coherent thought and I had the energy to live again.
But on Christmas afternoon, after the gifts had been opened and the wrapping paper cleaned up and the food put away, alone in a closet with my Bible, God told me something.
I love you.
I blinked. What?
I love you.
"And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus." (Luke 1:31)
I love you.
"While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." (Luke 2:6-7)
I love you.
"Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." (Luke 22:42)
I love you.
"Now the men who were holding Jesus in custody were mocking Him and beating Him..." (Luke 23:46)
I love you.
"But they kept calling out, saying, "Crucify, crucify Him!" " (Luke 23:21)
I love you.
"And Jesus, crying out with a loud voice, said, "Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit." Having said this, He breathed His last." (Luke 23:46)
I love you.
It is such a crazy, mind-blowing thought... that He loves me. That He came in the form of a man, was beaten and killed and raised again from the dead - all for me. I cannot begin to fathom such a love.
And yet here it is. God is continually pouring out the riches of His grace and love on the thirsty souls of this desperate, broken world. Many are blind, but those of us who have been given eyes to see... how blessed we are!
There is nothing that I need - nothing that I can - do to earn His love. Absolutely nothing. It is unconditional and unending. He knows me inside and out, far better than I could ever know myself, and He still loves me endlessly.
He is my Strength.
He is my Joy.
He is my Peace.
He is my Love.
God, help me to never lose sight of that.
There isn't time to wallow in self pity. There is a fight to fight, a race to finish! So get up and get at it! Embrace the love that God has bestowed on you and let it strength you and fill you to overflowing. It is a love that is meant to be shared.
~Riah
